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Ok, so here I go again. I've got to travel over the same ground, I know the drill: exercise, eat right, eat less, no sugary or salty�snacks and stop the wine (boo-hoo).�

Oh the joys of dieting, I can do it but it just isn't fun at all! Why me? I've been good over the years, I've been exercising, eating right, yada-yada. But somehow the lb-s added up. First it was 5 extra and I struggled to loose them for quite some time until recently I resigned that they're part of the menopause phase and I'd have to live with them. It's "OK" I told myself,�"When the pandemic hits I'll suvive longer than the skinny broads out there".�Then I decided to stay off the scale for awhile, "As long as my clothes fit right what difference does the number make" is what I was telling myself. I have a friend, Cheri, and she doesn't even own a scale and she's got a great figure! Well, she did just have a tummy-tuck and a boob-job,� I did't think she needed either and now she's even more perfect (trying not to envy her).

Anyway, back to my thought, she's told me that I shouldn't obsess over the number on the scale and I've read that same thing so I gave it a shot and to my dismay I am rewarded with another 5lbs!! Thankyousomuch!

Welp, today's another day and I've got another chance so I'm going to give it my best effort. I feel energized and optomistic. I believe I can achieve my goal which is 10lbs lost. I have plenty of support from my hubbie and family, they'll enjoy eating the healthy foods too�and cheer me on. I�look forward to hearing praise-I remember how good it felt in the past, everyone loves recognition for their efforts. I look forward to having better�thoughts about myself�too, I�was thinking about the last time I saw that magic number on the scale and I clearly remember thinking that it could have been better. Today I'm kicking myself for not being happier with myself, when I get back to that number I'm going to be proud and not spend a moment thinking thoughts of�inadequacy. Being critical of myself hasn't paid off in the long run, from now on I'm going to be a good friend to myself and feel good about ME.

I can do it!

Gotta go, I've got�some sweatin to do!! I'll check back on Monday after my weigh-in. �

again confessing to this blank screen

this blinking cursor, this intimidating object

documentation, of words i strive to select

the words, the combination of words to create...

a smile, how much i wish to translate

just how you make me feel, oh i wish i could do that for you

i would write a thousand words to see your smile... to pursue...

getting to know you, i would give a million lines of rhyme

would recite to you countless words to remind...

....you just how amazing you�seem , how much you inspire

...me even more...every day i acquire...

more of this feeling, closer and closer

to saying�these things...I'm loosing composure

can't hide a thing, i'm�trying real�hard

it isn't easy loosing your gaurd

but as afraid as i am

i'm quite alright with this unknown land

just tell me where i stand

[wasted boy, wasting my time]

�

ill attempt to captivate

the boy, in his inebriated state

that once again he fell upon

"come home babe, it's almost dawn"

ill call just to the hear the tone

of his voice, he's on the phone

slurring words and telling�lies

not exactly a suprise

he tells me�to just�"go away"

he's "coming home" he's on his way

i hang up and the hours pass

he comes home with the empty glass

he stumbles through the awaiting door

i swear, i can't take this anymore

drunken kisses, well he tried...

to look at me with those bright blue eyes

apologizing that he missed out date

he says he "lost track of time and it got real late"

excuses flow like countless drinks

that he had, gave me time to think

how many times i have waited

for him to come here, intoxicated

i think he needs to get some help

i care too much to watch him poison his self

wasted boy, wasting my time.

not finished, just written

i write these words on this page

i let my mind re-arrange

i let the ink just flow

i let my body go

it happens automatically

just like this fire inside of me

cant tell my temperature to drop

cant tell my heart to stop

...stop feeling this way i do for you

cant stop this hot persuit

im catching up to you

just slow, slow down

down the drain.

�

i stepped into the shower

i tried to steam away your power

over me, and over my heart

trying to wash away my pain.

letting these tears go down the drain

you fooled me right from the start

�mascara running down my face

i want u out, gone without a trace

...of you or how you treated me

is this how u want it to be?

�i�have never felt so damn alone

you just had to make me cry on the phone

telling me that i was nothing to you

is this really what you want to do?

�this soap dosent seem to be working

the pain is still here, my heart is jerking

up...down...and to the tiles around

down...down the drain in the ground

show me where to go

this one really isnt about anyone or anything it just sorta came out

�

your words, render me standing

in a place, in a time i want to be

i am.. so content, i know i am

certain this is where i want to go

assured now this is the path i want to roam

i have never gone in such a way, no directions

blindfolded in such an array of affection

you are my navigation

show me where to go

can i stay with you?

show me the way

to find your heart

i want to stay, bestow your love in my hands...depart..

depart into this foreign land, the only place i want to be

is by your side, hand in hand

in the arms of the only one who understands

me and everything i represent

in such a way, in such extent

..never felt so safe as when i hold you close

there is really no way to explain, i suppose...

you were just what�i was waiting for...

on this road to unknown i want to explore

in this direction, in your direction

show me where to go

tell me the answers, all i need to know

can i stay with you?

show me the way

...to find your heart

i want to stay

bestow your love in my hands... again...

And if it snowed and snow covered the drive

he took a spade and tossed it to one side.

And always tucked his daughter up at night

And slippered her the one time that she lied.

And every week he tipped up half his wage.

And what he didn't spend each week he saved.

And praised his wife for every meal she made.

And once, for laughing, punched her in the face.

And for his mum he hired a private nurse.

And every Sunday taxied her to church.

And he blubbed when she went from bad to worse.

And twice he lifted ten quid from her purse.

Here's how they rated him when they looked back:

sometimes he did this, sometimes he did that.

-Simon Armitage

Napped half the day;

no one

punished me!

-Kobaayashi Issa

�

�

"People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates." - Thomas Szasz, "Personal Conduct," The Second Sin, 1973

:: recap ::

-- Set up interviews for Friday morning.� Two guys to interview for the WICK opening.� Both candidates look somewhat over qualified and will probably not enjoy this job.� Guess we'll have to find out.

-- New Project start: K/K-A� --� house with PFF -- Prince Chili Longhorn and I will be building this.� Looks pretty simple from the documentation I went through so far.

-- Mac couldn't get into skylla.� Explained to everyone that this is why I wanted to do the PM servers at the same time as the rest of the PA and PP systems.

-- Discussion with Cartman regarding our LDAP problems.� He's going to schedule meetings so we can get a clearly defined issue and then we're going to root out the solution.

-- Slick is in training this week.� I think he's going to come in for the interviews Friday.

-- Carrot Cake wants to discuss the WICK systems because she's freaking out over the RSYNC discussion.� Everyone is freaking over it and she wants me to look into it.� I pull up the visio diagram and after a few minutes tell her that she's okay.� The diagram shows rsync happening bewtween leela and some other box up in Ohio, but nothing that touches the Greek systems.� The only thing touching the Greek boxes is HTTP and NFS.� They're going to be fine.

- Took the time to explain to Carrot that we're only 7 people trying to keep a $2B datacenter running.� If they don't get us more hands, people are going to have to wait longer for solutions.� (And that is true.� We have 1 UNIX engineer (Me), 2 support staff augmented by 1 contractor, and we have 1ESX engineer who has 2 support staff.)